Gave me a good laugh first thing on a Sunday morning - thanks for posting it.
Driver Murphy
For those who have not seen this I hope you enjoy.
I had to write it out as it was in PDF format. The PDF format is of an actual photo copy of the memo's.
Memorandum
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Hit cow. Milage 123. Engine O.K. Cow dead.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your report as to the demise of a bovine creature is to hand, but does not indicate fully the details of the incident that are necessary for departmental analysis. You are hereby advised that a further report from you is to be submitted as per the example on Circular B.S.F. /15/16789 exhibited in the enginemen's notice case for guidance. Please have your addendum forwarded promptly to this office.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
No more to Say. Engine still O.K. Cow still dead.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your unsatisfactory addendum to your original memo is to hand. Your attention is drawn to the requirements of Circular B.S.F. /15/16789, which sets out the following questionnaire:
What was the boiler pressure at the time of the incident?
Was sand gear working?
Was throttle fully open?
What was the position of steam cut-off lever?
Was the brake applied?
What was the nature of weather and direction of wind?
What was the name of the fireman and guard?
Was the creature on the railway tract at the time of incident?
What was nature of injury to the creature?
In your opinion was the creature culpable for incident?
Give description of creature: age, sex type, etc.
What is your assessment of damages claimable by department?
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
No steam. Yes. No. None. Yes. Cow not killed by weather, wind, fireman or guard. Everything happened for engine to kill cow. Not enough of cow to find out the rest.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your further unsatisfactory memo is at this office. You are forthwith explaine why you locomotive was not under steam at the time of incident and also your reference to your locomotive not being equipped with standard steam cut-off lever. For prompt and full report please.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Driving diesel engine. Needs no steam. Has no cut-off lever.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
This office still awaits your full report as to how the creature was killed by your locomotive. We refer you to the relevant questions on Circular B.S.F. /15/16789:
Was the creature on the railway tract at the time of incident?
What was nature of injury to the creature?
For urgent return to this office by first available dispatch.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Saw cow walking over line. Engine swerved to left to miss cow. Cow kept walking. Engine hit cow.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
With reference to your memo forwarded to this office you are hereby fined $1.00 for insolence. Herewith is a final demand for the completion of this correspondence:
What was nature of injury to the creature?
Advise without delay of your reply.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Went to where cow killed. Cow is definitely dead. This cost me $2.00 expenses.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Herewith find payroll No. 180/274, to be signed in duplicate for $2.00 expenses as claimed. This correspondence is now closed.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
I had to write it out as it was in PDF format. The PDF format is of an actual photo copy of the memo's.
Memorandum
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Hit cow. Milage 123. Engine O.K. Cow dead.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your report as to the demise of a bovine creature is to hand, but does not indicate fully the details of the incident that are necessary for departmental analysis. You are hereby advised that a further report from you is to be submitted as per the example on Circular B.S.F. /15/16789 exhibited in the enginemen's notice case for guidance. Please have your addendum forwarded promptly to this office.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
No more to Say. Engine still O.K. Cow still dead.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your unsatisfactory addendum to your original memo is to hand. Your attention is drawn to the requirements of Circular B.S.F. /15/16789, which sets out the following questionnaire:
What was the boiler pressure at the time of the incident?
Was sand gear working?
Was throttle fully open?
What was the position of steam cut-off lever?
Was the brake applied?
What was the nature of weather and direction of wind?
What was the name of the fireman and guard?
Was the creature on the railway tract at the time of incident?
What was nature of injury to the creature?
In your opinion was the creature culpable for incident?
Give description of creature: age, sex type, etc.
What is your assessment of damages claimable by department?
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
No steam. Yes. No. None. Yes. Cow not killed by weather, wind, fireman or guard. Everything happened for engine to kill cow. Not enough of cow to find out the rest.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Your further unsatisfactory memo is at this office. You are forthwith explaine why you locomotive was not under steam at the time of incident and also your reference to your locomotive not being equipped with standard steam cut-off lever. For prompt and full report please.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Driving diesel engine. Needs no steam. Has no cut-off lever.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
This office still awaits your full report as to how the creature was killed by your locomotive. We refer you to the relevant questions on Circular B.S.F. /15/16789:
Was the creature on the railway tract at the time of incident?
What was nature of injury to the creature?
For urgent return to this office by first available dispatch.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Saw cow walking over line. Engine swerved to left to miss cow. Cow kept walking. Engine hit cow.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
With reference to your memo forwarded to this office you are hereby fined $1.00 for insolence. Herewith is a final demand for the completion of this correspondence:
What was nature of injury to the creature?
Advise without delay of your reply.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
Memo. Railways Traffic Officer:
Went to where cow killed. Cow is definitely dead. This cost me $2.00 expenses.
Driver Murphy.
Memo. Driver Murphy:
Herewith find payroll No. 180/274, to be signed in duplicate for $2.00 expenses as claimed. This correspondence is now closed.
Railways Traffic Officer
Per J.K Ch'kd.B.T Int. P.L.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Certainly cheered me up after the other thread I'm involved in at the minute! Thanks
This reminded me of an incident some years ago. The Railway Clauses Consolidation Act of 1848 requires railway companies to fence the line when passing through farm land. A railway engine struck a cow and killed it. The railway was sued for failing to maintain adequate fences. One of the principal allegations contained in the Pleadings (paperwork) was that the driver failed to swerve to avoid the cow! This was a case that I was involved in as the Claimant's insurers and we won! The Judge apparently enjoyed the joke. (Exeter Crown Court mid 70s).
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
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