Family "issues"

if that was my daughter i would be tempted to put her in the bin !!!

Before you retaliate by putting her shoes, fashion magazines etc in the bin, ask yourself: Does she have a point?

How old is she? Does she have support from other family members? Is it unreasonable to have at least one room in the house free of clutter so everyone can relax properly? Is she perhaps using this as a protest against some other underlying issue between you?

These days, as they get older, kids expect to be listened to and treated with respect. Unfortunately they are not taught that they should treat their parents with respect. That's a problem with education and our society today and it's wrong, but it's the way things are. These days Father laying down the Law doesn't work in a house of emancipated females. On top of that a female tantrum can do an awful lot of damage to a model railway!

What to do? Negotiate! You'll remove some of the offending items if she'll tidy up her room/pick up her clothes/ help with the housework/ ....

But try not to escalate. Disagreements between father and daughter can turn very nasty and you would regret that.

I´d try to talk to her and tell her that these items mean a great deal to me, since they are associated with nice memories, and my hobbies, and that I´d prefer her to inform me of her intentions before she goes postal with my prized posessions. This, of course, only if rational talks are possible...

And I´d try to find out why she did what she did, and maybe try and work out a compromise with her. Less of my hobbies outside thhobby room, and more of hers.

It sounds as though you have that rare daughter who contributes to the general running of the household?

How lucky you are?

However, she has a point.

the living room is communal space?

How much of her stuff is left lying around that room?

Perhaps you should move YOUR stuff into what is seen as YOUR personal space?

Your bedroom, perhaps ?

(an assumption here)

there will always be that conflict, which offspring fail to grasp, that the house belongs to YOU, but is THEIR home.

mind, I DO know of a couple who sold their house without telling the [grown-up] kids, and moved into a mobile home!

and I know of another couple who simply moved out, leaving the kids behind, to pay the mortgage!

If the situation is one-sided, ie there are no issues regarding your daughter's presence at home, then consider the others in the house.

If there ARE issues regarding how she treats the home, then, firstly, protect your interests..and secondly, give as good as you get....especially if you enjoy the conflict.....but whatever you do, don't pussyfoot around trying to be ever so modern and PC!

Gary
Firstly, you must be honest with yourself and answer the question "has she got a point". Do you always leave the lounge like a tip Has this been an issue before
If so, clean up your act and stop expecting others to live in your junk. What the hell are you doing with "several years worth of WBA programs" in the lounge anyway. PUT THEM AWAY!

If she doesn't have a point then there's too much "trying to be nice" being suggested here!
I'd take the following action:-

If she's under 16, ground her, give her no money for a month and make sure your partner does the same. Also tell her it's to teach her respect of other people's property.
If she's over 16, stop doing anything for her (washing, ironing, prepairing meals, giving lifts, allowing her to choose TV programs etc) until she apologises and agrees not to destroy your property. Make sure your partner does the same.

And for goodness sake, whatever happens, clean your c*** out of the lounge you untidy bugger!!

The magazines were on a shelf in the lounge and well out of the way. To be fair she had retained the programmes that had player signitures in.

There are some very good suggestions here so thank you all for that. I will have a family chat and see how I get on.

For those who live overseas outside the UK its important to remember that we Brits live in comparitively small dwellings.

Happy modelling
Gary

PS a brand new detatched 3 bedroom house of a reasonable size in Germany is just £130,000 according to a BBC report last Sunday. The same home in the UK would be £350,000+. Given this fact why is there not a mass exodus of railway modellers to Germany!

QUOTE (dbclass50 @ 17 Jul 2007, 23:32) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I have literally tons of model railway stuff & fire engine bits (only one 1 : 1 scale one now as I've sold one) but I keep it all out of "family areas". St Laurent & most of the other stuff reside in the workshop & the best of my collection in a showcase in my office.

And I know where a lot more of it's stored!!

However i am lucky, I have a 3 bedroom flat with a huge lounge - and I live alone, even so normally only the current project and my favourite models are displayed in the lounge. The rest is stored in the spare bedrooms.

There is no excuse for junk to be left laying around.

Regards

John

QUOTE (alastairq @ 18 Jul 2007, 10:27) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Germany has job issues....so I'm told.

plus, they all drive straight at you, and wont move over!

Zey shpeek foonny English, have no sense of humor, love rules + regulations and are dumb enough to follow them.

Stupid Krauts . Just kidding.

As for the real estate prices, I guess it depends where you want to build or buy your mansion - a small town near Wismar or Lübz (huh?) will offer way cheaper accomodation that any town where the interstate (cf: Autobahn) exits start with "Hamburg-" or "München-". I venture it is safe to say that the same applies to the UK as well.

(*) before you all flame me to a crisp: I shpeak Enklish veller zan most Tchörmenz, vizzout any Tchörman akzente in my schpeak. Zank yoo.

Alastair, what´s a 99? I want to get the joke, too.

I always try and hide the extent of my addiction to model railways...not really because of the slight social stigma but more because I would hate my family to know just how many models I've got and therefore just how much I have spent on my addicition so far...

I like to think of it like shoes...Imelda Marcos must have kept hers hidden from her husband!

Regarding children, I say "spare the rod and spoil the child" (and damn what the nannying government says...) my father was given the slipper by his father when he misbehaved, my Mother smacked me as a child when I misbehaved seriously, and I think a good sound caning administered after wrongdoing can only help a child to grow up to be a well-rounded civilised member of society. And what else is Peco flexitrack for?? (Better than using dried strips of Hippo hide!)

Goedel

QUOTE (alastairq @ 18 Jul 2007, 23:17) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>oh dear ..............difficult to describe,really....

'scuse the accent............a '99' is a vanilla ice cream in a cone or cornet......with a Cadbury milk chocolate flake bar inserted......

a Cadbury Flake chocolate 'bar' is.....chocolate poured in thin sheets all wrinkled up into a round-ish bar.....

last time my daughter visited Germany, she caused trouble.........................................................

Last winter, I was in hospital after a nasty little traffic accident (broke my spine, but the surgeons thought that I was already a bit on the lazy side and did a fine job fixing me, and made me stay out of anything wheelchairish - yes, drunk driving was involved, but not on my side), and after surgery, I was placed in a room with two London girls because the nurses thought it were a good idea if I translated for them - long story short, we got along absolutely fine (with some frowns from their respective boy- and my girlfriend at first... ), and they had - angel cake and Cadbury Flake bars (they virtually ate nothing else at first because they didn´t exactly trust German hospital food... which, thinking about it, I can´t really blame them for. ) Again, long story short, I liked the Cadbury Flakes, too, yet I´ve developed an even greater fondness for angel cake

Now, you made me curious - what exactly did your daughter do?